Dear Friends,
Joke sessions are incomplete without some Sardarji's jokes...so here I go....
Santa Singh and Banta Singh land in the US. And make friends with a guy named Peter. They hang round together, go to bars together, movies together, so on and so forth...One fine day, Peter vanishes.
Santa and Ban to go to the Police Station to lodge a complaint. Cop asks "Did this Peter guy have any distinguishing marks??".
Santa and Banta think for a while and suddenly remember "Yes! Yes!! Peter has two assholes".
The cop is suspicious "How do you know??".
Santa and Banta reply "whenever we go to the bar together, people say...Here comes peter with two assholes!!"
Jokes continues....
Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have color TVs?" Sure. Give me a green one, please."
Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?" Just a sec," says the rep. Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up.
EMPLOYMENT.. Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column "Salary Expected": He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote : Yes
CROCODILE BOOTS.. Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one . He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims 71st and *again* barefeet!"
A sardar goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask." The sardar then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold." The sardar says, "I'll take it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" He said, "It's a thermos flask." The boss then says, "What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it home somewhere in Rajasthan, but two days later disconnected it because he was getting complaints like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai"
What will a sardarji do if he wants an additional white sheet of paper ? (he already has one and he wants one more..) He takes a photcopy of the white paper !!!
Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters. They were planning for free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh..we'll get Punjab from India but how would we develop it?" That was a difficult question indeed. Suddenly Banta Singh replied, "No problem! we'll attack USA, it would take over us and then we would be a state of USA and we'll automatically get developed." All the surds became happy on this very simple solution but an old surd did not utter a single word. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The surd replied, "OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA ?????"
Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs," he replied. He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the salesman "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied. "Damn, he recognized me," he thought. he went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new hair color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before he again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied. Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Sardar?" "Because that's a microwave," he replied.
Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie? Because below 18 was not allowed.
How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence? Stick a tire pressure gauge in his earWhat do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you? Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday? Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears? Trying to hold on to a thought.
Why do Sardars work seven days a week? So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
Why can't Sardars make ice cubes? They always forget the recipe
How did the Sardar try to kill the bird? He threw it off a cliff
What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.
What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes? The back of his head.
What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer? Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
What do you call a sardar who has only one drink? Just-one Singh.
Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax? It has a stamp on it
Why can't Sardar dial 911? They can not find the eleven on the phone
How do you get Sardar on the roof? Tell him the drinks are on the house.
Oh, look at the dead bird." Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?
What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common? You always hear about them but you never see them.
Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as opposed to a regular one? You have to hollow out the head.
TO LOSE WEIGHT.. The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem. What's the problem?"asked the doctor. I'm 2400 kms from home."
TRAIN TO LUDHIANA.. Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway station. Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to Ludhiana?" "No," answers the Railway man. "Can I?" asks Gani Singh.
A sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks him "kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai" Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "
Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun"
Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees, the sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror. Said his wife "What's the matter?" Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"
Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?" The sardarji replied " I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at That time, otherwise I would have been missing too."
Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate "Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese." "How come, you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sikh?" " Aah, Sardarji read a newspaper, it says that every 4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese."
Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the outer space The ground control issues commands "Rubi!" "Woof!" ( it’s the barking sound) Press the red button." "Woof! Woof!" "Moti!" "Woof!" "Press the white button." "Woof! Woof!" Sardarji!" "Woof." "Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"
Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. Sardarji says "Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool.This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."
DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top.After a while when the rush was over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Banta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Arre Banta Singh ! What the heck's goin' on? Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ? Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.*"
Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, " I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear! " the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But what happened to your other ear?" The scoundrel called back."
A sardar invested 2 Lakhs in a business and Suffered huge Loss. Do u know what the business was? . . . .. . . . . .. . . He opened a Saloon in Punjab!
A sardarji photographer is focusing a dead body's face in a funeral function, suddenly all dead persons relatives beat him. why? He said "SMILE PLEASE"
Sardarji gets ready, wears tie, coat, goes out, climbs tree, and sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why he does this. Sardarji: "I've been promoted as branch manager."
Why is a Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open mouth................. Because his doctor advised him "Today's dinner should be light"
One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college. U know Why? Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...
Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant: It's already raining. Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.
Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever - What will come first, Chicken or egg? O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.
A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match. All were busy writing except one Sardarji. He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"
Postman: - I Have To Come 5 Miles to Deliver U This Packet Sardar: - Why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....
A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce. Judge asked: How'll U divide, U"VE 3 children? Sardar replied: Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR
Sardar's wish: when i die, i wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all d passengers in d bus he was driving..
A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid. A Sardar stands up- We must find & stop her!.
A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning. Sardarji replied ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.
Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital. The Chinese friend just says "CHIN YU YAN" and dies. Sardarji goes 2 china 2 find meaning of friends last words. It is 'U R STANDNG ON the OXGN TUBE!"
Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed. His wife asked what you are doing. He said-I am seeing how I look while sleeping.
Why did Sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it? Guess what...---To avoid side effect!!!
Man: Sardarji where were u born? Sardarji: Punjab. Man: Which part? Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body is born in punjab".
IN COURT during a case: Lawyer to Sardar: Gita pe haath rakhkar kaho ke ..... Sardar: yeh kya, Sita pe haath lagaya to court me bulaiya. ab kehte ho gita pe haath rakho.....
Sardar: For the past one week a girl is disturbing me. I don't know how she got my no, She interrupts whenever I call someone and says "please recharge your card"
A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found Mrs Sardar painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall. She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For best results put on two coats"
A sardar was drawing money from ATM, The sardar behind him in the line said, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks (****). The first sardar replies, Ha! Ha! Haaa! U r wrong, Its 1258.
Q:) How do u recognize a sardar in school or college???
A:) They are the ones who erase their notebooks when the teacher erases the blackboard... BOLO tarara!!
Q:) Why did the sardarji sleep with a scale? A:) Because he wanted to measure how much he has slept........
Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto, Banta asks: Y r u removing a wheel from ur auto?
Santa: Can't u read 'Parking for two wheelers only'
Santa: Doctor, ye phulon ki mala kis ke liye? Doctor: Ye mera pehla operation hai, success hua to mere liye, nahi to tumhare liye.
Santa: Doc saab, mein Chashma laga ke pad to sakoonga?
Doc: Haan, bilkul.
Santa: To phir theek hai doc saab varna Anpad aadmi ki zindagi bhi koi zindagi hai.
Santa: Raat film main ek chudail kabhi mere aage, khabhi mere peechhe ghoom rahi thi...
Jeeto: Koun si film thi ?
Santa: Apni shaadi ki movie thi !
Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from
NASA to SATYANASA
Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye
Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna enjoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets
Jeeto: Why 3?
Santa: For you and your parents
Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.
Santa asks: Who r u?
Wife: How dare u forget ur wife?
Santa: Nasha har gam ko bhula deta hai
Lady Doc: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte ho?
Santa: Ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am-11am
A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. ....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...
Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got
irritated... drank poison & said, Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!
Captain of Military: Naujawanon aage bado Santa aage nahin bada
Captain: Tum aage kyun nahin bade?
Santa: Apne kaha 9 jawanon aage bado, mein 10ve number pe tha
Banta: Yaar teri wife ki maut ka bara afsos hua, vaise hua kya tha?
Sant: Goli lagi thi mathe main.
Banta: Waheguru ji ka shukar kar ke aankh bach gayi.
Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India Radio!
Sadhu: Bachcha teri biwi ko chuddail chipak gayee hai. Upaaye karvaao.
Banta: Upayaye? Baba, agar do behenein gale mil rahi hain to is mein harz hi kya hai ?
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu's skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child
Napoleon: There is no such word as 'Impossible' in my dictionary.
Santa: To dictionary dekh kar kharidni thi ...!
Santa: Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein Pagal ho jaaunga.
Jeeto: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey?
Santa: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kar sakta hai
Banta: Yeh AUTOMATICALLY kya hota hai?
Santa: Oye tujhe yeh bhi nahin pata, Jab auto mein koi ganji ladki ja rahi ho to use kehte hain AUTO-ME-TAKLI
Banta: Oye, tu to Doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua?
Santa: Yaar kal jaaonga, aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai.
Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.
Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u? Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya
Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?
Two sardar's Planting Trees A passerby watched two sardarjis in a park. One was digging holes and the other was immediately filling them in again. 'Tell me,' said the passerby, `What on earth are you doing?' `Well', said the digger, 'Usually there are three of us. I dig the hole, Balwant plants the tree saplings and Gurpreet fills in the hole. Today Balwant is off,because he is ill, but that doesn't mean Gurpreet and I get the day off!
=====
A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get only 12 seconds in a year?"
The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd,etc..."
Saint Peter lets him in without another word
=====
Sardarjee : "I want to marry you" Lady : "But I am one year elder to you."
Sardarjee: "No Problem, then I will marry you next year."
=====
Q:) Why does sardarji brings binoculorses in his own marriage?
A:) To see his distant relatives.
=====
Two Sardars went into a pub and after ordering two beers took some sandwiches out of their pockets and started to eat them. You can't eat your own sandwiches in here,complained the pub-owner. So the two sardars swapped (exchanged) their sandwiches.
=====
Once upon a time, a Sardarji saw a boy who wore his cap in the back direction. This event really harrased the social nature of sardarji and then he also decided to wear his pagari in the backward direction While he was on his way to his office another Sardar saw him and asked "Sardarji aa rahe ho ke jaa rahe ho"
=====
A sardar was very fond of sensational and detective novels, but he always started reading from the middle. A friend of his asked why he did so? "It'z doubly interesting", said the Sardar. "TO start from the middle keeps one curious not only about it's conclusion but also about its beginning."
=====
Once a Sardarji was going to his office. On the way he slipped on a banana peel and was badly hurt. Next day, on his way to the office, he noticed a banana peel and exclaimed " sala aaj bhi phisalna hoga". Later after two days, he noticed two banana peels and exclaimed" ari sala, aaj to choice hai"!!!!!!
=====
"Help.... the Titanic is going to be drowned...." Everybody in the ship is shouting, crying, running or praying to God.. Just then a Italian asks the nearby Sardarji in the ship.Italian : How far is land, from here ?
Sardarji : Two miles .. Italian : Only two miles, Then why are these fools making noise. I have got the experience of swimming even more.
The Italian jumps off the ship into the sea and comes up to the layer to ask something again.
Italian : Just tell me which side, is land two miles from here ? Sardarji : Downwards ...
=====
A (SARDAR) is in a QuizContest trying to win prize money of Rs.1 crore....kaunbanega crorepati...
The questions are as follows:
*1) How long was the 100 yr war?** *A) 116B) 99C) 100D) 150says "I will skip this"
*2) In which country are the Panama hats ** * *made?** *A) BRAZILB) CHILEC) PANAMAD) EQUADOR asks for help from the University students
*3) In which month do the Russians** **celebrate the October Revolution?** *A) JANUARYB) SEPTEMBERC) OCTOBERD) NOVEMBER asks for help from general public
*4) Which of these was King George VI first name?** *A) EDERB) ALBERTC) GEORGED) MANOEL asks for lucky cards
*5) The Canary Islands, in the Pacific Ocean, has its name based** **onwhich animal:*A) CANARYBIRD B) KANGAROO C) PUPPY D) RAT gives up.
If u think you are indeed clever and laughed at our Sardar's replies,Then please *check the answers* below:1) The 100 year war lasted *116 years* from 1337-14532) The Panama hat is made in *Equador** *3) The October revolution is celebrated in *November** *4) King George's first name was *Albert*. In 1936 he changed his name.5) Puppy. The Latin name is INSULARIA CANARIA which means islands of the*puppies.*Now tell me who's the dumb one....Don't ever laugh at a again Don't forget that the Prime Minister of ur country is a ..
=====
Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"
He writes a note and sticks it 2 pole "Thanks 4 d complement"
=====
How do you recognize a Sardar in School? He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
=====
Once a Sardar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so? He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
=====
Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar , where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?"
The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?"
=====
Teacher: Can you tell me something about Raja Ram Mohan Roy?
Saradji: They were 4 best friends..!
=====
Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne Flag
Dikhaya, Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.
=====
How can a Sardar Kill a Lion? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard & comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo ta ra ra.
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Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher Studies Yaar...!!!
=====
Sardar with a new mobile called everyone from his Phone Book & said "My MobileNo. has changed Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610"
=====
Sardar falls in Love with Nurse. He writes a Love letter to her, " I LOVE U SISTER."
=====
What is Common between: Krishna , Ram, Gandhi ji & Jesus..?
Sardar ji Replied: All are born on Government Holidays.
=====
Santa : That Cow is a Lovely Colour ,
Farmer : Yes, it's a Jersey
Santa: Oh, I thought it was its Skin...!!!
=====
Sardar Son: O God! Please make New York the capital of Punjab .
Sardar: Why are you praying for that?
Sardar Son: That is what I have written in my exam.
=====
39 comments:
DO YOU YHINK SARDARS ARE JUST LIKE THIS
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