Stress Busters: Pregnant Bride-Adult Joke

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Pregnant Bride-Adult Joke

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...

The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said ,'Things are great and I've never felt better.' I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. "So what do you think about that Doc ?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.

"I have an older friend , much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season." One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry , he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun." "As he neared a lake , he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane , aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'." "Miraculously , two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.

Now, what do you think of that ?" asked the doctor.

The 86-year-old said , "Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied , "My point exactly."

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Laughter's Effects on the Body

In the last few decades, researchers have studied laughter's effects on the body and turned up some potentially interesting information on how it affects us:

Blood flow : Researchers at the University of Maryland studied the effects on blood vessels when people were shown either comedies or dramas. After the screening, the blood vessels of the group who watched the comedy behaved normally — expanding and contracting easily. But the blood vessels in people who watched the drama tended to tense up, restricting blood flow.

Immune response : Increased stress is associated with decreased immune system response, says Provine. Some studies have shown that the ability to use humor may raise the level of infection-fighting antibodies in the body and boost the levels of immune cells, as well.

Blood sugar levels : One study of 19 people with diabetes looked at the effects of laughter on blood sugar levels. After eating, the group attended a tedious lecture. On the next day, the group ate the same meal and then watched a comedy. After the comedy, the group had lower blood sugar levels than they did after the lecture.

Relaxation and sleep : The focus on the benefits of laughter really began with Norman Cousins' memoir, Anatomy of an Illness. Cousins, who was diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis, a painful spine condition, found that a diet of comedies, like Marx Brothers films and episodes of Candid Camera, helped him feel better. He said that 10 minutes of laughter allowed him two hours of pain-free sleep.

Stress Relief tips for work

Most of us suffer from stress at work. Whether it's an ongoing problem, or an occasional crisis, these quick stress relief techniques can help you to regain a sense of inner peace in the middle of a hectic day.

Leave the workplace for a few minutes. Removing yourself from your environment for even a few minutes is one of the most powerful things you can do. Make sure you pick a place where you won't be interrupted by colleagues.

If it's the thing that you're currently working on that's stressing you out, try switching to another task for a while. Even if it's an urgent task, doing something else will give you breathing space and you can come back to it later feeling fresher.

Play some music that moves you. Stop what you're doing for a few minutes and really listen to the music. When you continue work, you'll feel refreshed.

Schedule some time each day to deal with unexpected things that need to be dealt with. If you've already allocated time to deal with these things you'll usually find them easier to handle.

Take a moment to breath slowly and deeply. Fill your lungs then exhale completely. Just a few deep breaths will make you feel much calmer.

Lightly massage your forehead and temples. Use your fingertips to make small circles all over the area, paying particular attention to the area just above your eyebrows. Vary the pressure according to what feels good for each area.

Try a few simple stretches. Find yourself a quiet spot (the toilets will do if there's no where else suitable) and spend a few moments stretching out your arms and legs. Relax and shake out your arms and legs when you're finished.

Plan something rewarding for the end of the day. Knowing that you've got something to look forward to can make a big difference.

Visualisation

Think of a place where you have felt relaxed in the past, or imagine a place where you could totally relax - maybe a beach, a peaceful spot in the country, a favourite park or garden, or a quiet building.

Now imagine yourself in that place. What can you see? What can you hear? What can you smell? Is there wind on your face? Grass under your bare feet? Is it warm or cool? Take a few moments to feel yourself relax in this peaceful place, then slowly bring yourself back to the present.

Herbal tea

Make a relaxing cup of herbal tea. Chamomile is especially good for frazzled nerves. Sip it slowly for the best effect.

Stress Relief tips for Home

Home should be a place where we can rest and be calm. These quick stress relief techniques can help you to achieve a sense of inner peace at home.

Try to avoid spending the evening slumped in front of the TV. Maybe you could revive an old hobby, or take up a new one.

Relax! Sit or lie down, close your eyes, and concentrate on your breathing. Stay like this for 5-10 minutes.

Set aside a regular time to relax in your own favourite way. Home is a place for rest and rejuvenation and you should give yourself time for it.

Have a laugh. Whether it's watching a funny movie, or laughing with your family and friends, laughter is a great stress reliever.

Cut yourself some slack! Don't beat yourself up thinking you need a showcase home, and if you burn the dinner, get takeaway!

Make sure you get enough sleep. Try going to bed half an hour earlier and see whether it makes a difference to how you handle your life.

Treat yourself to a long soak in the tub. Envelop the senses with soothing smells, gentle candle light, relaxing music, and lots of bubbles.

Give yourself a massage! Massage your scalp and face with your fingertips. Use small circling motions and a light pressure. Of course, if you can persuade someone else to do it for you, that's even better!

Animal companions

Think about getting a pet. Stroking a pet has been shown to lower blood pressure, and the companionship and unconditional love that a pet can provide leads to better mental health for their owners.

Plant life

Potter in the garden for a while. If gardening is not your cup of tea, try looking after a potted plant. Watch it to see when it needs water or food. See it change through the seasons. Being interested in other things takes you away from your own worries, and a change of environment is a double bonus!

Stress Busters

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Pregnant Bride-Adult Joke

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