Stress Busters

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Sardarji is back...

Bomb and Sardars

2 sardaron ko 2 bomb mile, 1st Sardar: chal police ko de k aate hain. 2 sardar: agar koi bomb raaste me phat gaya to? 1st sardar: jhoot bol denge ki 1 hi mila tha

Sardar and Police

Police: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phaasi di jayegi. Sardar: Ha Ha Ha Ha! Police: Kyon hasn rahe ho? Sardar: Main to uthta hi subha 9 baje hun.

Doctor And Sardar

Sardar 2 doctor: Mujhe 1 problem hai Dr: Kya? Sardar: Baat karte waqt aadmi dikhai nahi deta Dr: aisa kab hota hai? Sardar: Phone karte waqt

Sardar and Home

Man: Sardar jee aap ko garmi lagti hai to kya karte ho? Sardar: AC k paas ja k baith jata hun Man: Agar phir bhi garmi lage to? Sardar: To A/C on kar leta hun

Sardar and prayer

A sardar prays daily for 2 hours, "He Vahe Guru meri lottery lagade." After 11 years Vahe Guru angrily appeared & said,"Khoti de puttar 1 vari ticket to le le"

The real

Ek sardar ki chatri me hole tha, kisine pucha, umbrella me hole kyun? Sardar bola, Oye baarish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega

Sardar and Hitler

Hitler says, "There is no word like IMPOSSIBLE in my dictionary" Sardar says: Ab bolne se kya faayda? "Jub kharidi thi tab hi check karna tha na"

Sardar and Computer

Sardar: Yaar mujhe 1 hathora or keel chahiye computer k liye. Sales man: Magar computer me inka kya kaam? Sardar: Oye yaar mujhe computer me windows lagani hai.

Two Sardars

1st sardar: oye agar neend na aaye to kya kia jaaye? 2nd Sardar: Neend ka intizar karne se achha hai ki banda so hi jaye

Ek sardar rail ki patri per so gaya . Ek aadmi ne kaha kya kar rahe ho? Train aayegi to mar jaoge! Sardar: Mere uper se hawai jahaaz guzar gaya to kuch nahi hua, train kya cheez hai?

Sardar and Practical Exam

In bio practical: Examiner: Tell me the name of this bird by seeing its legs only? Sardar: I don't know. Examiner: You are failed, what's your name? Sardar: See my legs & tell my name.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

The Speed

A woman was driving down the highway about 80 miles an hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her.

Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed. When she looked back again, their were two motorcycles following her. She shot up to 90 miles.

The next time she looked around, there were three cops following her.

Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead. She screeched to a stop and ran into the ladies' room.

Ten minutes later, she innocently walked out.

The three cops were standing their waiting for her. Without batting an eye, she said coyly, "I'll bet none of you thought I would make it."

The Dead Cat

A couple trying to break into society, hosted a dinner party.

As the guests were enjoying their dinner salad, the maid called the hostess from the table. The maid informed her that the cat had climbed on the kitchen table and eaten a large portion of the salmon's mid- section.

The hostess decided to fill the eaten portion with some canned salmon and other camouflage. As the guests were enjoying the fish, the maid called the hostess into the kitchen and announced while wringing her hands, "Madam, the cat is dead."

The hostess and her husband informed the guests and suggested it might be best if everyone went to the hospital and had their stomachs pumped.

Returning home, the couple asked the maid where she had put the cat.

"It is still out on the road where the car ran over it."

Two Statues

In a city park stood two statues, one female and the other male. These two statues faced each other for many years.

Early one morning an angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire."

And with that command, the statues came to life. The two statues smiled at each other, ran toward some nearby woods and dived behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the giggling of statues, rustling of bushes and snapping of twigs.

After 15 minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling.

Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have 15 minutes. Would you like to continue?"

The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?"

Smiling, the female statue said, "Sure.

But this time you hold the pigeon down and I'LL poop on its head!"

Laughter's Effects on the Body

In the last few decades, researchers have studied laughter's effects on the body and turned up some potentially interesting information on how it affects us:

Blood flow : Researchers at the University of Maryland studied the effects on blood vessels when people were shown either comedies or dramas. After the screening, the blood vessels of the group who watched the comedy behaved normally — expanding and contracting easily. But the blood vessels in people who watched the drama tended to tense up, restricting blood flow.

Immune response : Increased stress is associated with decreased immune system response, says Provine. Some studies have shown that the ability to use humor may raise the level of infection-fighting antibodies in the body and boost the levels of immune cells, as well.

Blood sugar levels : One study of 19 people with diabetes looked at the effects of laughter on blood sugar levels. After eating, the group attended a tedious lecture. On the next day, the group ate the same meal and then watched a comedy. After the comedy, the group had lower blood sugar levels than they did after the lecture.

Relaxation and sleep : The focus on the benefits of laughter really began with Norman Cousins' memoir, Anatomy of an Illness. Cousins, who was diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis, a painful spine condition, found that a diet of comedies, like Marx Brothers films and episodes of Candid Camera, helped him feel better. He said that 10 minutes of laughter allowed him two hours of pain-free sleep.

Stress Relief tips for work

Most of us suffer from stress at work. Whether it's an ongoing problem, or an occasional crisis, these quick stress relief techniques can help you to regain a sense of inner peace in the middle of a hectic day.

Leave the workplace for a few minutes. Removing yourself from your environment for even a few minutes is one of the most powerful things you can do. Make sure you pick a place where you won't be interrupted by colleagues.

If it's the thing that you're currently working on that's stressing you out, try switching to another task for a while. Even if it's an urgent task, doing something else will give you breathing space and you can come back to it later feeling fresher.

Play some music that moves you. Stop what you're doing for a few minutes and really listen to the music. When you continue work, you'll feel refreshed.

Schedule some time each day to deal with unexpected things that need to be dealt with. If you've already allocated time to deal with these things you'll usually find them easier to handle.

Take a moment to breath slowly and deeply. Fill your lungs then exhale completely. Just a few deep breaths will make you feel much calmer.

Lightly massage your forehead and temples. Use your fingertips to make small circles all over the area, paying particular attention to the area just above your eyebrows. Vary the pressure according to what feels good for each area.

Try a few simple stretches. Find yourself a quiet spot (the toilets will do if there's no where else suitable) and spend a few moments stretching out your arms and legs. Relax and shake out your arms and legs when you're finished.

Plan something rewarding for the end of the day. Knowing that you've got something to look forward to can make a big difference.

Visualisation

Think of a place where you have felt relaxed in the past, or imagine a place where you could totally relax - maybe a beach, a peaceful spot in the country, a favourite park or garden, or a quiet building.

Now imagine yourself in that place. What can you see? What can you hear? What can you smell? Is there wind on your face? Grass under your bare feet? Is it warm or cool? Take a few moments to feel yourself relax in this peaceful place, then slowly bring yourself back to the present.

Herbal tea

Make a relaxing cup of herbal tea. Chamomile is especially good for frazzled nerves. Sip it slowly for the best effect.

Stress Relief tips for Home

Home should be a place where we can rest and be calm. These quick stress relief techniques can help you to achieve a sense of inner peace at home.

Try to avoid spending the evening slumped in front of the TV. Maybe you could revive an old hobby, or take up a new one.

Relax! Sit or lie down, close your eyes, and concentrate on your breathing. Stay like this for 5-10 minutes.

Set aside a regular time to relax in your own favourite way. Home is a place for rest and rejuvenation and you should give yourself time for it.

Have a laugh. Whether it's watching a funny movie, or laughing with your family and friends, laughter is a great stress reliever.

Cut yourself some slack! Don't beat yourself up thinking you need a showcase home, and if you burn the dinner, get takeaway!

Make sure you get enough sleep. Try going to bed half an hour earlier and see whether it makes a difference to how you handle your life.

Treat yourself to a long soak in the tub. Envelop the senses with soothing smells, gentle candle light, relaxing music, and lots of bubbles.

Give yourself a massage! Massage your scalp and face with your fingertips. Use small circling motions and a light pressure. Of course, if you can persuade someone else to do it for you, that's even better!

Animal companions

Think about getting a pet. Stroking a pet has been shown to lower blood pressure, and the companionship and unconditional love that a pet can provide leads to better mental health for their owners.

Plant life

Potter in the garden for a while. If gardening is not your cup of tea, try looking after a potted plant. Watch it to see when it needs water or food. See it change through the seasons. Being interested in other things takes you away from your own worries, and a change of environment is a double bonus!